A gun fires in the distance.

When I was young I read a lot and didn’t get out too much. It was a lot of sci-fi and fantasy. I feel reading this content, in part anyway, gave me a general positive sense of the future. I wasn’t conscious of this connection or that I was being influenced this way. It was just an assumption that humanity, in general, was headed to a better future. Maybe an amazing future and if I was lucky I might see some of it.

In some ways this future has arrived. We have amazing computers in the palm of our hands. AI talking to us. We can connect to each over the air from great distances, effortlessly. Yet, bad habits are hard to break and unfortunately we seem to have let the wolf in the sheep pen while we watched the satellites drift across Andromeda so far away. Across the globe, and in America too, a rising tide of discontent and fascism shows it ugly features we long thought had been expelled.

Did you hear that?

This is not an acute disease. It does not strike suddenly after a warm holiday get together with family and friends. There is still time to change direction. Still a chance to twist and escape this jarring conclusion of a bold experiment. No one knows which direction these matters will turn. It is frustrating to watch this matter unfurl and have so little ability to act. We watch the news and complain. People upvote AOC stinging remarks on an X post. We give Uncle Eddie the stink eye an Sunday dinner when he paints these actions as tough but long overdue. I understand. There isn’t much many of us can really do to affect change. Now there is the very real chance of dying when just crossing paths mistakenly with the wrong government employees.

From over there? That’s so far away.

I’m torn about it all. It makes sense to plan an exit. It’s hard to leave everything we’ve known. Are these hard working Americans ready to become refugees? Can they even afford to consider that? Or maybe the mid terms will turn it all around. Surely sanity will prevail and we will right this tilting ship. If they let us right the ship. Will they let us? How far will this go? Surely things won’t get that bad. And I consider what the German people thought when brown shirt thugs started roaming the streets. Did they imagine it would result in the complete ruin of everything they had ever known? I imagine most, no. Maybe some envisioned the next steps, sold everything and scattered. It was likely devastating for them but they escaped. Of course, it is more nuanced, more complex that this. It’s not that easy, of course. Of course.

I just cannot shake the feeling that the timer is running down. I talk to family, friends, strangers, myself and itemize the concerns, reflect on other trying times in a proper historical context, the foolishness of giving up everything when we are finally making ends meet. It will get better, you’ll see. They won’t let it get that bad. I heard that the court is making some big moves. Really? Well, I have a lot of errands to do so we can talk about this later. Today it’s me. I have a dark outlook on things and of course, smarter people than me will figure this mess out. Tomorrow, it’s a tragedy and no one seems to want to act.

Do you see that?

I guess this is a dance people have done all over the world. Even here not too long ago really. This is the proper historical context to frame these complex matters. It feels objective. It feels true and I guess it is. These things have a way to sort themselves out over time. Remember the Red Scare, that was awful but we got through it.

Look, when they start to round people up it will be too late to leave. We gotta take a risk and leave before things get real bad. Yes, things have been bad before and a lot of people were affected, many died, this will affect real people. Women driving vans. 20-year old kids in Home Depot, disappeared. Killed.

That? It’s nothing. Yeah. We are fine.

There is nothing clear right now but I have alarm bells ringing in my ears. Others seems ready to ride it out which is baffling to me. They roll their eyes at me. I understand. I do. It seems extreme cause we comfortable right now. For now. I hope I’m wrong. I suspect a lot of people in 1937 hoped they were wrong.

Hey, hey! Are you ok? You’re bleeding.